20 Months of Waiting for a Referral

Today marks 20 months of waiting for our baby girl referral. I find myself very emotional today. Mainly because I am very frustrated with how long this adoption process is taking. At the beginning of the month, we were given a new estimate of another 4 months until referral. It is hard to really trust this timeline as it has changed so many times. We have spent so much money and spent so much time getting paperwork redone, etc. due to the long process. It's exhausting. I think the holidays also bring out the longing to have our baby girl.
It also appears that I will most likely need to get a part-time job until our other house sells. That is killing me as I don't want to leave Parker. He is such a sweet boy. Gerry's work is not paying what they told us they would, so money is tight. I most likely will do substitute teaching as it is more flexible. This will allow me to be home when the other kids get out of school- as to not have to pay more daycare.
I realize we are more fortunate than most and so I don't want to appear ungrateful. I'm just a little down and discouraged. I've worked my tail off for the last 2 years trying to get Tall Clothing Mall to make a decent wage, but Internet marketing is really competitive and hard. I will continue to run it- as I still believe I offer a great service.
It has snowed a ton the last few days and will continue to snow the rest of the week. It is beautiful to have a white Christmas, but boy is it cold -12 degrees this morning. Brrr.
Today also marks my parent's anniversary. Mom is still visiting us. I know she is totally bored and ready to go home this weekend. I also miss my dad. I was such a daddy's girl. I miss his gentle yet wise advice.